Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas.
This film was a blight on the pristine reputation of Jim Henson. Surely the muppets were fantastic, as were the villains, but man, that terrible song (When the River Meets the Sea) sung by Emmett and his mother makes me want to drive chop sticks loaded with fish into my ears and let maggots feast on rotting fish and brain matter.
I know it was sung at Jim Henson's funeral and feel that it was only performed to make sure he was actually dead - for no one can legitimatize its recording or its need to be played publicly. Understandably, Henson could not wield the magic sword over everything and have it be wonderful: Take Dark Crystal for instance. I can't count the nightmares I had thinking about the Skeksis and that witch creature with the fake eye (who looks conspicuously like someone's mother I know).Last night I dreamt of jug playing Skesksis.
In an attempt to mess around with new lyrics I watched parts of Dark Crystal to get in the mood. Big Mistake. I swear to god Henson wanted kids across the world to die of fright. If this was made today people would burn Henson studios to the ground in protest. I can imagine soccer moms across America explaining to their children why vulturine creatures are sucking the essence out of pumpkin people. I can only imagine the promotional items like toys and bed spreads.
After watching Empire Strikes Back my parents bought me the official sheets. The pillow had Luke and the rest of the rebel gang on one side and Vader and his boys on the other. I had to sleep with the Luke side for fear that I would have nightmares if I slept on the Vader side. With the Dark Crystal, no side would be safe to sleep on. Just nightmare inducing creatures all around. I'm trying to find a Sarah Palin joke, but nothing is coming on the register.
