1) I am not a small boy out conkering
2) I have never been to Peru
3) I am not typing this with my feet
4) I am not at present riding in a lift
5) I am not in the middle of an LSD flashback
6) I am not wearing a snorkle
7) I am not Houdini
8) I am not currently working deep undercover for the CIA
9) I am not in the Guinness book of records as a circus freak
10) I am not a fully qualified hypnotherapist and snake charmer
