What movies were so bad (not bad in a "good bad" sorta way) that you couldn't even finish watching them? This has only happened to me a few times. Usually (probably because of my love of trashy '50s & '60s b-movies) I've learned to stomach most anything, but once in a while I'll start watching a movie that is just so cheesy, so ridiculous, or so BAD that even I have to turn it off and watch something else. I also like to call these "GTFO" movies... or movies that you'll keep around and put in when you want unwanted house guests to "Get The Fuck Out."

I'll start:

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man
Gone in 60 Seconds & Gone in 60 Seconds 2 (no, I did NOT attempt to watch the sequel)

There's another one that I had to walk away from but I can't remember the name. I think it may have been French, or foreign of some kind. A period piece that was set in the early 20th century... very arty with lots of dancing and costumes. It was just way too over the top for me. Anyone know what I'm talking about? It came out several years ago, maybe early 2000s.

Anyway, what are your picks for worst movies ever?

"Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" Ranks high for that honor. People think all kids have ADD , today , well , this movie was not made for people whose attention span (Or overall patience ) can handle a challenge. Mind you , I've seen it MANY times , but , sometimes , I can only get thru 10 minutes of it.   I doubt many young adults , today , sit their kids down to watch it , but , I'D LOVE TO BE PROVEN WRONG.

Anyone watch that show with LARRAINE NEWMAN , ca. 1986 , WHERE THEY'D show THEN - hard to find films likE "Plan 9 From Outer Space" , "ROBOT MONSTER" AND " Santa Claus Contra Los Marcianos ''? It was great.

A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY SAY "THEY SAVED HITLER'S BRAIN"....THE VERSION THEY USED TO SHOW ON TELEVISION OR ON VHS WAS UNWATCHABLE , BECAUSE IT WAS FILMED , USING FOOTAGE INCOMPREHENSIBLY SPLICED TOGETHER , THAT HAPPENED TO HAVE BEEN SHOT 5 YEARS APART. THEN , I SAW A DIFFERENT VERSION , THAT WAS SOLD TO TELEVISION , PRESUMABLY IN THE LATE 60'S OR EARLY 70'S , IN ONE OF THOSE "GRINDHOUSE" CHEAPIE BOX SETS. IT ACTUALLY MADE SENSE....AND , HITLER'S BRAIN (WELL , HIS HEAD , AND HIS DRUGGED OUT BODY.) MAKES A MUCH BIGGER APPEARANCE.

ANYBODY EVER SEE "THE GIRL IN THE KREMLIN" , ABOUT A PLOT TO RESURRECT STALIN'S BRAIN? OF COURSE , IN BOTH CASES ,THERE WAS NOTHING TO SAVE.

byronne said:

"Mighty Peking Man" - oh dear. Now I'm going to need to track down "A*P*E*", aren't I?

Yes , you are. Its putrid ! Highly recommended.   * * * *

I first saw it as a double feature , at this really sleazy theatre in Ft. Worth (The New Isis , if any of you  ever had the pleasure. ALL - EXPLOITATION DOUBLE FEATURES , ALL THE TIME.), WITH "Schlock" (aka "Banana Monster" ) , John Landis' first movie , a hilarious parody of the "Revived prehistoric apeman goes on a killing spree"genre. There are moments John Waters might have envied.

i tyrens tegn(1974)

"Mighty Peking Man" - oh dear. Now I'm going to need to track down "A*P*E*", aren't I?

Thiking of "Inframan" and "Mighty Peking Man" got me to thinking about " A*P*E* " (South Korean , 1975?). THAT is one of thee worst , ever. The usual story about a giant ape (A guy in a gorilla suit that looks even worse than the ones in "King Kong Escapes" or "King Kong Vs. Godzilla" ) , discovered in the jungle , brought to civilization , then wreaking havoc when his dumb ass realizes he's being exploited.  The effects rank down there with the very worst (In other words , you've GOT to see it !!). The giant shark tagged on at the beginning (In wake of the "Jaws" craze.) , is , of course an immobile rubber copy. The "Giant Snake" is actually a real Boa Constrictor (I think) , that just wraps itself around the monster ape's  arm , then jumps off. Some fight. The fight in the '76 "Kong" was even more convincing. The scene with the shark is at the beginning , I gather , because , after that , the whole movie jumps the shark. At one point , realizing the picture was tanking , the actor in the ape costume actually gives the phony copters "The Bird"! It's true.

Kopper, I agree that Harley Davidson and Gone in Sixty were bad, but worst movie bad? I never saw the Gone sequel, but could it have been nearly as bad as any of the Fast and Furious flicks? Or either of those pieces of crap called Crank and Crank 2? I can sit through just about anything (I'm married, I sit through a LOT of shit) but those bad action movies that think the action is so damned good that any retarded story will carry it. Lynch films I like.

Pretty much a tie between Anthony Newley's "Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?" and Nic (sic) Cage in "Zandalee". Not that they're bereft of their own special charm, but I could live happily without ever seeing them again. Actually, I might consider sponsoring "Zandalee" next year at Chicago's legendary B-Fest, since the response to Ted V. Mikel's "Astro Zombies" was so memorable... That might have had something to do with Tura Satana's passing last year tho'.

BTW , I love "Eat The Rich" , but , that's all right. The 80's were a great time for Black Comedies - "Parents" , "Eating Raoul" , and the vastly underrated " Neighbors".

But , none of those are BAD.

anything adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel.

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Probably posted this in the wrong format, but I "Double Dog Dare You".......

 

He HAD to make that up , come on !  Max Schrek (Who starred in "Nosferatu"), his last name meant fright or terror in German  , but , more recent accounts have stated that really was his name.
 

Wow.....Flash Gordon is the....Boy , I don't know , words fail me. Another "Train Wreck You Can't Walk Away From" movie.
 dave said:

This actually hasn't come out yet, but I can't resist. They are making a Disney version of John Carter of Mars, and even the studio heads are shaking their heads, BUT this is the best part, the actor's last name is Kitsch!!! AAAA!, it's just-too-perfect!

(But he won't take the place of Sam Jones for quoteability. Flash Gordon is the Spinal Tap of fantasy films [or something like that].)

This actually hasn't come out yet, but I can't resist. They are making a Disney version of John Carter of Mars, and even the studio heads are shaking their heads, BUT this is the best part, the actor's last name is Kitsch!!! AAAA!, it's just-too-perfect!

(But he won't take the place of Sam Jones for quoteability. Flash Gordon is the Spinal Tap of fantasy films [or something like that].)

"INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS " IS PRETTY FUCKING AWFUL.....NO SURPRISE , THERE , I GUESS. i remember "The Alien Factor" being a real stinker , but I have'nt seen in about 30 years. It's only saving grace being the animated monster sequences by Ernest T. Farino , whom I knew in passing. Farino went on to do the Pillsbury  Doughboy commercials.

"The Super Soul Brother" , with Wildman Steve (Contemporary to Rudy Ray Moore , I saw the two of them on a bill with La Wanda Page. Guess who was the filthiest? Your Aunt Esther , of course. ) is a no - script , no - production values having waste of time , except it has the WI - I - I - I - I - I- IIIIIILD MAN , who's hilarious , when he's on.The alternate title was "The $250,00 N*****" , I kid you not.

Did we already discuss "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" , yes , it's one of THEE worst. A non - Director (Robert Stigwood) directs , and several of the performers were singers , but not actors , save for George Burns , Steve Martin and Donald Pleasance. ALL GIVE THEIR WORST , LIKE THE REST OF THE CAST....THE MOVIE CULMINATES WITH THE BIGGEST HOLLYWOOD /ROCK'N'ROLL COCTAIL PARTY....TINA TURNER , A LONG WAY FROM A COMEBACK ,GETS PLENTY OF SCREEN TIME , AS DOES JOHNNY WINTER , AND , WOULD YOU BELIVE , JOHN MAYALL? JIM DANDY IS IN ALL THIS MESS , TOO , BUT , IMPOSSIBLE TO LOCATE.  ALICE COOPER WEARS A HORRID MOUSTACHE , THAT WOULD GET HIM LAID LIKE CRAZY , TODAY ,  IF HE DID'NT ALREADY HAVE A BEAUTIFUL WIFE.

"Blood Freak" is one of the worst , but , it's so bad , it's GREAT ! An amateur Mad Scientist drugs a disgruntled Vietnam Veteran (We were still in Vietnam.) with a turkey. Yes , a turkey. Not Turkish Hashish or even turkey pheremones , but Thanksgiving styled turkey. First he gets him stoned on laced pot , then offers him further laced turkey after he gets the munchies. Would'nt you know it ? He becomes a monster , a turkey - headed , marijuana monster . They don't make movies like this , anymore.

The Ormond Bros.' "Monster and The Stripper" (aka "The Exotic Ones".) features Rockabilly and Great Music in General Legend , Sleepy La Beef , as another Marijuana monster . It may , well , be one of the worst , too , but I dare you to walk away from it.  

This movie's bad , and BAD ASS , BUT , FOR THE RECORD , IT'S NOT THE SAME MOVIE AS ANDY MILLIGAN'S "THE MAN WITH TWO HEADS'' (Which is an adaptation of the "Jekyll and Hyde" legend.) ....Yes , it was one of three working titles -"The Thing With Two Heads " (The generally agreed upon title.) , but , it was also shown as "The Beast With Two Heads " and "The Man With Two Heads"......

This , of course , is Rosie Greer and Ray Milland , great casting.....But "The Incredible Two - Headed Transplant" had even better casting - John Bloom* , Bruce Dern and Pat Priest.

* John Bloom was a Tax Assessor turned Actor in Horror/Exploitation films in the early 70's. At 7' 4 ", he was the tallest Frankenstein in films ("Dracula Vs. Frankenstein " - required viewing.). He was also the monster with the exposed brain in "Brain of Blood" or "The Creature's Revenge". And , as a matter of fact , I DO have a date for this weekend. Bloom died a few years ago , still quite young.. Probably not from Giantism , tho' it's possible.
 
Bry Nylon said:

John Battles said:

yesh... so bad we watched it twice in succession... boy o boy do we love really bad films... ;)

I've often been told Andy Milligan's films ("The Man With Two Heads" , etc.) are at least some of the worst Horror movies ever made. They showed "The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!" (Yes , that was the real , working title.) on TV in Ft. Worth , once. I made it through about 10 minutes. It was wretched.

Anyone remember "Jungle Burger"?, it was a porn cartoon which me & my younger brothers watched constantly on VHS while my mum was not around !

Yikes

You might be on to something , but , of course , they gave him a small bit of dialogue to act as a bridge between the preceding "Action" and the stunning finale.
 
Funhouse Skull said:

Could be that John Carradine just happened to be wandering around Vegas hammered & is in the film by chance XD.

John Battles said:

....."The Mummy and The Curse of The Jackal" , SO bad , it's hilarious. A great big guy in a bad , padded mummy costume , is aided by his Jackal Man assistant who looks Soooo bad ...

(How bad did he look?!!!) Well , I'll tell ya , worse than the Jackal Man in "Dracula , The Dirty Old Man", also one of the worst. LET'S EXHUME MORE TRULY BAD SCI FI , HORROR , AND JD FILMS , HERE . I mean , we all know "The Titanic" is a turd. I saw about 10 minutes of it , and knew it was a ship that God did'nt HAVE to sink.

Anyway , The Mummy and The Jackal Man (Who looks more like an adorable doggie than a monster.) are cursed to walk the earth , until , well , you know , they're no long under a curse , and protect the reanimated Egyptian Princess. The best scenes were shot around a casino in Las Vegas (They obviously did'nt have permission). So , when The Mummy wreaks havoc on the innocent bystanders (None of whom were paid extras.), there's virtually no response ! One or two people laugh , others do absolutely nothing. And people want to bust the Late , Great Ed Wood and The Late , Great Al Adamson's balls , when turkeys like this are plentiful...and await your enjoyment.  The also Late and Great John Carradine turns in a brief , superfluous appearance as a wino. Carradine was known to work for $500 a day , while his Son , David , WAS RAKING IN THE BUCKS ON "KUNG - FU" , which explains his MANY cameos in Trash - Horror FILMS LIKE THIS.

I've often been told Andy Milligan's films ("The Man With Two Heads" , etc.) are at least some of the worst Horror movies ever made. They showed "The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!" (Yes , that was the real , working title.) on TV in Ft. Worth , once. I made it through about 10 minutes. It was wretched.

Could be that John Carradine just happened to be wandering around Vegas hammered & is in the film by chance XD.

John Battles said:

....."The Mummy and The Curse of The Jackal" , SO bad , it's hilarious. A great big guy in a bad , padded mummy costume , is aided by his Jackal Man assistant who looks Soooo bad ...

(How bad did he look?!!!) Well , I'll tell ya , worse than the Jackal Man in "Dracula , The Dirty Old Man", also one of the worst. LET'S EXHUME MORE TRULY BAD SCI FI , HORROR , AND JD FILMS , HERE . I mean , we all know "The Titanic" is a turd. I saw about 10 minutes of it , and knew it was a ship that God did'nt HAVE to sink.

Anyway , The Mummy and The Jackal Man (Who looks more like an adorable doggie than a monster.) are cursed to walk the earth , until , well , you know , they're no long under a curse , and protect the reanimated Egyptian Princess. The best scenes were shot around a casino in Las Vegas (They obviously did'nt have permission). So , when The Mummy wreaks havoc on the innocent bystanders (None of whom were paid extras.), there's virtually no response ! One or two people laugh , others do absolutely nothing. And people want to bust the Late , Great Ed Wood and The Late , Great Al Adamson's balls , when turkeys like this are plentiful...and await your enjoyment.  The also Late and Great John Carradine turns in a brief , superfluous appearance as a wino. Carradine was known to work for $500 a day , while his Son , David , WAS RAKING IN THE BUCKS ON "KUNG - FU" , which explains his MANY cameos in Trash - Horror FILMS LIKE THIS.

....."The Mummy and The Curse of The Jackal" , SO bad , it's hilarious. A great big guy in a bad , padded mummy costume , is aided by his Jackal Man assistant who looks Soooo bad ...

(How bad did he look?!!!) Well , I'll tell ya , worse than the Jackal Man in "Dracula , The Dirty Old Man", also one of the worst. LET'S EXHUME MORE TRULY BAD SCI FI , HORROR , AND JD FILMS , HERE . I mean , we all know "The Titanic" is a turd. I saw about 10 minutes of it , and knew it was a ship that God did'nt HAVE to sink.

Anyway , The Mummy and The Jackal Man (Who looks more like an adorable doggie than a monster.) are cursed to walk the earth , until , well , you know , they're no long under a curse , and protect the reanimated Egyptian Princess. The best scenes were shot around a casino in Las Vegas (They obviously did'nt have permission). So , when The Mummy wreaks havoc on the innocent bystanders (None of whom were paid extras.), there's virtually no response ! One or two people laugh , others do absolutely nothing. And people want to bust the Late , Great Ed Wood and The Late , Great Al Adamson's balls , when turkeys like this are plentiful...and await your enjoyment.  The also Late and Great John Carradine turns in a brief , superfluous appearance as a wino. Carradine was known to work for $500 a day , while his Son , David , WAS RAKING IN THE BUCKS ON "KUNG - FU" , which explains his MANY cameos in Trash - Horror FILMS LIKE THIS.

"The Comic Strip Presents" , for the Anglically challenged , was a TV and Movie collective comprised of cast members of "The Young Ones" , "French and Saunders" (Who started out on "The Young Ones".) and others. They did a great series of hour long Comedy films (Each one unrelated to the others.)...In the late 80's , much to their credit , MTV showed all or most of these films. The only one to get US video distribution (and I don't even know if it was shown on TV.) WAS (Drumroll, please...) BAD NEWS !!! A fictional two - part documentary series on a NWOBHM (New Wave of British Heavy Metal - e.g. Saxon , early Priest , early Maiden , Girlschool , maybe , Motorhead , never.) band that goes from playing dives to a fluke hit record , a public breakup during a taping of "Top of The Pops", and an appearance at the "Monsters of Rock " festival , five years after the coup failed. Sounds familiar ? Well , it's funnier than "Spinal Tap" and the songs are better , too. Rhino released it on VHS , but it's long overdue release to DVD has'nt happened.

Bryan Hovercraft said:

Meet The Parents is  B-movie classic shot through the eyes & height of a 7 ? year old boy who gradually comes to the realisation that his parents are cannibals and that is why initially at the start of the movie he cannot work out why every day is yesterdays left overs... bad but brilliant..,

3 other really appaling ones that are so bad that they are brilliant [also very funny ] i think are all related to the UK 'comic strip presents' production company. [?] 1. Eat The Rich [featuring a motorhead soundtrack ] 2. Churchill - the Hollywood Years ...& 3. Reign of Gargoyles  - we have so far failed to get a copy of this latter one which we absolutely love to bits  -(  sorry for not giving away any plots here ) the modern zombie horror - (in german) - Dead Snow - is also a must see for schlock horror Zombie fans featuring a whole battalion of zombie nazi's - the trailer is on you tube ... maybe try checkin  out "DEAD SNOW movie trailer ... "EIN ! SCHWEIN ! DIE " being the promo strapline ... well worth a peek  -or why not go the whole hog and try out 'Trail of the Screaming Forehead ' and the rob zombie classic '2001 maniacs' as a popcorn dbl feature - erm ... maybe not though - as i'd hate to take respponsibility for the brain damage that both of these films when viewed together may cause ... failing that just turn on the sy-fy channel at random and watch whatever they are showing ... maybe if i can convince her i may be able to get 'the lady' to add some titles here ... as she's the real junk movie addict round here  ; )

I'D HONESTLY FORGOTTEN THERE WERE TWO "FRITZ" FILMS , THEY'VE GOTTEN BURIED SO DEEP , AT THIS POINT. I'VE NEVER SEEN "COONSKIN" , BUT , I'VE READ ABOUT IT. Not many Underground Comix ever got the movie treatment. I know there was a Dirty Duck film , but , I HAVE'NT SPOKEN TO ANYONE WHO'S SEEN IT.    A Freak Bros. film is in the works (Almost 40 years after it was originally announced.) , but , they're depending on donations , so it may be a while.....

joey fuckup said:

Yeah, I knew Bakshi had done "Fritz the Cat" but he didn't want any part in the sequel. The sequel wasn't horrible, in my opinion, but it does pale in comparison to the first film. Crumb was so unhappy with the film treatment of his character that he killed Fritz off in his comics, figuring "out of sight, out of mind." But of course the sequel came, due in large part because his wife had some ownership in the character.

Another favorite Bakshi film was the controversial "Coonskin" which I think was yanked from theatres after one week because of protests over it's depictions of minorities. When it was released on VHS years later, it was re-titled "Street Fight" (when I got my hands on it). It was rumored at one time that Blue Underground was going to release it on DVD, but this is still yet to happen.

By the way, Ivan Reitman directed "Heavy Traffic", which is probably why a number of SCTV cast members provided voices.

John Battles said:

    Bakshi had no involvement with "Fritz The Cat" ? I've never heard that before , he's always at the top of the credits , and it's always had the earmarks of one of his pictures ,  but , it's true , Crumb is'nt , because he demanded that he , the creator , have his name withdrawn from the credits. It could have been a different story if he'd chosen to be directly involved (Bakshi , probably after the rights to the character , arguably did'nt want that anymore than Crumb.) . "Heavy Traffic " and "Hey , Good Lookin'" are  better choices , if you're looking to get into Bakshi's back catalogue , but , I always liked "Fritz" all right. The more mainstream stuff , like "Wizards" , "Heavy Metal" and "American Pop" , which is better than it's rep would have you believe , you might want to watch , later. I have'nt seen his largely forgotten "Lord of The Rings" came out. I only started going back and watching his films , recently.   Bakshi did the "Spiderman" cartoons , too , but , on a much smaller budget , of course.

"Fritz" also benefits from the use of "Bo Diddley" by Bo Diddley , who complained in the press about not being consulted over it's use. He should have been , but , he no longer owned the rights , so making him aware that his song was appearing in a movie was a formality , deemed unnecessary.

Ben Simon said:

A few days ago, I watched The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat, the sequel to Fritz the Cat that was made without the involvement of Ralph Bakshi or Robert Crumb. I can see why Crumb doesn't acknowledge its existence. Although the 70s funk soundtrack helped it a little.

No , I think the "Killer Tomatoes" theme is pretty funny. Trust me , I like a LOT of movies braver men would'nt touch , but , that one was too slow for me. If you're talking about the same film , "Parents" was the US title for "Meet The Parents". Randy Quaid , was it? , one of those guys in "The Hollywood Book of Right Boilers , curated by Harvey Keitel.",  played the dad.  I have it on VHS. I love those 80s Black Humor films , Parents , Eating Raoul , EAT THE RICH (Which I don't even consider a "Bad" movie. BTW , Lemmy has a small role , as do one or two of The Stranglers , and Motorhead puts in an appearance , too.), and the fucking INSANELY under - rated "Neighbors" , with Dan Akyroyd and John Belushi. It's NOTHING like anything either of 'em did , otherwise. Belushi , for once in his career , was the straight man , sheltered , conservative , in a word , nerdesque.... While Akyroyd plays the prank addict neighbor with a sadistic streak the length of the Gobi Desert. No one gets eaten , but it is DARK. Plus , Buck Henry's great in it. Seek it out ! When it came out , people at school told me "That was stupid ! "Arthur" is GREAT !!!". AH , YES , "ARTHUR". THE MOVIE THAT MADE MY COUNTRYMEN FORGET THAT DUDLEY MOORE WAS ONCE VERY FUNNY. I'll turn in a formal apology if Britain will apologize for Churchill's Art career.

Bryan Hovercraft said:

Meet The Parents is  B-movie classic shot through the eyes & height of a 7 ? year old boy who gradually comes to the realisation that his parents are cannibals and that is why initially at the start of the movie he cannot work out why every day is yesterdays left overs... bad but brilliant..,

3 other really appaling ones that are so bad that they are brilliant [also very funny ] i think are all related to the UK 'comic strip presents' production company. [?] 1. Eat The Rich [featuring a motorhead soundtrack ] 2. Churchill - the Hollywood Years ...& 3. Reign of Gargoyles  - we have so far failed to get a copy of this latter one which we absolutely love to bits  -(  sorry for not giving away any plots here ) the modern zombie horror - (in german) - Dead Snow - is also a must see for schlock horror Zombie fans featuring a whole battalion of zombie nazi's - the trailer is on you tube ... maybe try checkin  out "DEAD SNOW movie trailer ... "EIN ! SCHWEIN ! DIE " being the promo strapline ... well worth a peek  -or why not go the whole hog and try out 'Trail of the Screaming Forehead ' and the rob zombie classic '2001 maniacs' as a popcorn dbl feature - erm ... maybe not though - as i'd hate to take respponsibility for the brain damage that both of these films when viewed together may cause ... failing that just turn on the sy-fy channel at random and watch whatever they are showing ... maybe if i can convince her i may be able to get 'the lady' to add some titles here ... as she's the real junk movie addict round here  ; )